Picture the scene: You’re at home in the kitchen. After toiling for hours to prepare a gourmet feast, it’s time to down that trusty wooden spoon. Sure, your dish might need a pinch of this and a dash of that before serving, but it’s pretty much done. Happy with the day’s culinary efforts, you pour a celebratory glass of wine and take a load off. Then in comes your partner, who tastes the food, grimaces, tips it onto the floor, and squirts bleach on top — all before commanding, with a smile, that you “fix it.”
You wouldn’t stand for…
With his peroxide shock and plummy twaddle, Boris Johnson would put even the randiest horndog off sex at the best of times — quite frankly, I have no clue how Carrie Symonds does it.
But in the Covid era, our fearless leader has literally made it illegal for UK residents to find the juicy peach to their throbbing aubergine, or vice versa — unless, of course, these real-life emojis exist within a sanctioned support bubble.
Outlawing lockdown sex between people not in an “established relationship” (as Johnson and his spads put it) is probably a wise decision, especially with this…
Moira Rose is the bread to my butter. I said as much on Twitter yesterday after seeing the Queen of Schitt’s Creek announce, in her trademark faux British accent:
“I don’t know who I am from one moment to the next.”
More than ever during lockdown, the sentiment speaks to me, and so I named Moira my “spirit animal.” The move rightly displeased one follower (who uses gender-neutral pronouns). They commented:
“I adore Moira too. But just so you know, the concept of spirit animals is a Native-only thing many have spoken on and asked non-Natives not to use.”
Today, I shot a woman! I shot a woman in cold blood, for the first time ever. I did it not because she threatened me or hurt me or anything like that, but because she was there. And I didn’t like the look of her. And just because I could — with impunity too. How often can a person get away with femicide? Actually, in reality, quite a lot— nonetheless, that’s why I travelled here this morning, where killing’s a game.
The sweaty lass was dressed in worn pleather sandals, baby-pink knee-high socks with white frills at the top, and…
Last month, I joined the International Geek Girl Pen Pals Club (IGGPPC). Nope…I never thought I’d see those words flow from my fingertips either. I can’t help but wonder what the somewhat cool 21-year-old Steven might think of this. You know what though, who gives a hoot? His dweeby successor pushes the buttons now.
However, with IGGPPC, there will be no pushing of any buttons. No siree! For this is one pen pal club all about the snail mail. In fact, its founding “Unicorns,” Farquharson and Stewie, say the club is where “geek and snail mail collide.” And although that’s…
When you wake to three missed calls from your father and a text message from your brother saying “Dad’s trying to get hold of you, can you give him a bell?” without explaining why…you know something’s up. So, that was my morning, and a return call to my dad confirmed my worst suspicions: my granny had suddenly passed away.
Divided by distance and difference, my granny and I weren’t especially close, so I don’t seek sympathy here. …
Ever heard of Tutti Bennett? Na, neither had I until I met her daughter Sonia (my friend’s kooky flatmate) last year. At a party, Sonia led me to her mum’s colourful Instagram page, and it was love at first sight. She might just be the coolest lady I’ve ever seen. And I once spotted the Queen in person, so that’s quite the statement.
Part of Ari Seth Cohen’s Advanced Style project, which you might know from his documentary of the same name, Tutti is an eccentric 60-something Aussie “rewriting beauty on her own terms.” It comes as little surprise Cohen…
One presumably knows that it is incredibly rare to see the Queen break into a basic smile, let alone a fancy tabletop jig. But thanks to technology, viewers got to witness both of these marvels on Christmas day.
Following the British monarch’s usual Christmas speech, shown on both the BBC and ITV, Channel 4 delivered its own festive message. There’s nothing strange about that, with the broadcaster airing an alternative every year. …
A friend recently “came out” as non-binary. For anybody still in the dark about what it means to be non-binary (or genderqueer, bigender, genderfluid, or agender) then please watch this short and sweet video from 15-year-old Micah.
Clued up now? Kays, let’s get this show on the road.
So, after years of society-induced confusion, my friend ventured out of the closet, past all the ruffles and ruches of their old gendered clothing. They did so with some trepidation though, concerned about what kind of reception might await them on the other side of the door. …
A few days ago, I walked into a second-hand store in The Angel, London — the significance of this area will soon become apparent. From a dusty shelf of books (arranged, to my despair, in no order at all), I noticed a dog-eared copy of Ernest Hemingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls. I’m generally not a big fan of war novels, but I do know this to be one of the American author’s finest works. You’re coming home with me, I thought.
As I rummaged around the rest of the shop, I leafed through the book only to discover a…